It seems like yesterday. Really, it is windy and blue; it is just like yesterday. Anyway, Megan is not having another baby. My Big Things post stemmed from a glass of wine that spilled on my computer a while back. Meg, Oly and myself were playing with a beach ball in the house. It was like slow motion as I watched a full glass of Shiraz land smack on my keyboard. My computer was fried. So, after a time thinking and psyching myself into believing I could write something big, my new computer arrived for Fathers Day. As I sat quietly at that new beauty, nothing came to mind. Not one idea. Not a small one or a big one.

But, as people began to misinterpret my meanings, an idea came to mind. It has to do with why I know Megan is not pregnant. A short time after Oly was born, I went to get snipped, if ya know what I mean. I was promised it would be a smooth painless ordeal. As I was lying there in all my glory, the doctor began his procedure. Every muscle in my body but one was as stiff as a corpse, as he worked on the first side. The one non-stiff muscle was hiding, like he was saying, stay away from me motherfucker. You know, they grab this little vein and clamp it off. That is just not a good thing. So, after he finished with the first side, he looked me in my silver-dollar sized eyes and said, “Do you want me to keep going?”

Well, my mind thought hell no, but then the idea of being half fixed was strange. I did not know anyone that was half fixed. Half crazy, half red, half blue, but not half fixed. So I reluctantly motioned that he was good to clamp away. Several minutes into this new undamaged side, I heard something hit the floor at the same time a severe jolt of pain forced me to sit straight up. The doctor looked at me, as the squeezing got tighter, and pointed to the wall behind me. All I could see was blood running down his arm as he said, “Can you push that red emergency button behind you?” 

My arms flung backwards as I tried to find some lifesaving button that was just out of reach. When I located that SOB, I about pushed it through the wall. Soon, a dozen nurses came rushing in the room. As it turned out, it was a problem with clamps. So as I layed there in all my glory, bloody and battered, clamped here and there, I thought that it probably would not have been that bad to be half fixed.



One thought on “Clarification

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